Hey everyone! I wanted to take a few minutes and acknowledge that life is super hard sometimes. In fact it can downright stink. Many times, in the age of digital togetherness we exist in a vacuum of loneliness. I see patients every day, so I see your pain in so many ways. The loss of a loved one, the pain of a bad marriage and the stress of a horrible work situation that you can’t seem to change or step away from. Sometimes the hardest things are the things you feel you cannot change.
The stress that this creates is incredible. Anxiety, sleepless nights, anger, irritability, apathy and lack of ambition for life or anything is a common result. Do you ever feel like you are burning up on the inside and can’t even control your emotions when you need to? Do you blame others or lash out and later feel like a total mean girl? It is super stressful in life and you have to have ways to cope… but not just cope, you have to thrive!
One of my patients recently lost a job. A really good job. One of my ladies left a good job to create a business of her own. Both situations are extremely stressful, for different reasons. Sick babies, stressed and difficult husbands and wives, not enough money, house closings, finals, difficult relatives, terminal illnesses, caring for a sick loved one and impossible life situations are some of the things that keep us up at night and burn out our lights and our health. Add all this to extreme fatigue, insomnia changing hormones and you can have quite a fire burning out of control!
I help people with their health, but frequently my job entails being a good listener and even more a helper in soothing and helping direct someone to take a look at possible solutions to the stress that is there. Most of the time they are the only ones who could possibly know what to do next, but being a good listener helps. And that is my point: Our problems are our own, but we need people to listen to us, people to talk to, to help us find our own solutions. Then we aren’t so alone. We really are all together in this life. Your problem may someday be mine and in listening, we can find our solutions and possibly help someone else.
Here are some things I have found successful when I am in an impossible situation that seems to be a damned-if-you-do and damned-if-you-don’t scenario. (We all have them at some point in our lives):
- The first thing to do is to stop and put your situation on pause. For a minute or an hour or a day or for a month, however long you need to see more clearly. Imagine you, freeze framed, while the world bangs on uninterrupted and hurried as it always is, and you are just still. It can really help. You see the world still moves without you, but you can be still, and you can take a minute and you can push the other things away for as much time as you need to decide what you need to do or what direction you need to head in.
- A daily walk, a workout, tea time, a massage, a coffee with a friend or just going to bed early with a good book can give you a little space.
- Taking your recommended supplements, eating well, staying hydrated and sleeping 7-8 hours per night are things you can do to be kind to yourself and buffer yourself against the stress we all have. When we are so stressed, we burn up our B vitamins and use much more calcium and magnesium to shield the nervous system. Our body is amazing at adapting, but after a while we use all our resources and have to stop at the well again to replenish. If you give and give, make sure you fill back up.
There aren’t always “right” and “wrong” answers to life’s questions. There are just the answers that will bring your life a little more sanity and a little more peace. When you are physically better, you can see these answers more clearly. I was asked this week by a younger woman what advice I would have given to myself when I was 22. I told her this:
“Life is long. Choose your partners and your friends well. It is not as important as it seems, and mistakes help you grow and learn. Go easier on yourself and love yourself. You will make it the way you want it and you will make it OK because you can.”
I spoke to someone recently who shared with me about her childhood in a family where the father abandoned them first and then the mom left when this woman was fifteen, leaving her to feed and protect two younger children. She was abused and did things she was not proud of to make sure those kids ate and that they all survived. She is grown now and wonders why she has anxiety. She thinks it started last January. But you know what? She has a beautiful family and a wonderful husband, and she is afraid she will become her mother. I can tell you definitively that this woman will not. She escaped, but she still has scars.
We carry the scars of what made us. They aren’t things we should be embarrassed of though we often are. We carry the shame of things we could not control and the pain of betrayal from those who hurt us when they should have loved and protected us. But we go on and we live and for many of us we create homes where those we love will never be touched by these evil things. We ended the cycle. The scars we carry are badges. And as a wise woman told me recently, they are part of us, but they do not have to define us.
So, take a minute and pause. Realize who you are. A strong woman who can create your own life even out of the pain and the ashes of lost dreams and lost hope. You are the creator of dreams and the creator of hope. You don’t have to have to let anyone slow you down or stop you from blooming. Those things or people that seek to dim your energy and your life are not things you have to let exist in your life. No, really. It is true. You can change even the most impossible situation.
Sometimes, being healthy and having energy again can help you make better decisions. Sometimes those things and those people that stress you most, most need to change because that is why you are sick and tired and stressed in the first place. I start with helping people recover their health. I help the body recover and heal. Once you have your health, you can see more clearly where to go. There is a plethora of ills in the world but only one you. Let’s get you as bright and happy and as beautiful and energetic as possible. Then watch out world! There is nothing too impossible for you to do or achieve!
Let me help you. I love you and wish you all the joy!
Dr. Melodie Billiot